From an archived article in Fostering Families Today

by Rachel Ewald

About 60-80% of children in foster care that go up for adoption are adopted by their foster families. Fostering before adopting is most beneficial for you and the child. Most children in foster care have been traumatized, abused or neglected, and when the reunification plan cannot safely put them and their biological parents back together, a forever family is needed to adopt them. The foster family that has cared for the child in their home for months or years is the best solution since they have bonded with each other and the child will not have to undergo another traumatic disruption.

With an average of 7000* disruptions in adoptions throughout the country each year, there is a great need to be careful about moving children during foster care to ensure that the children will regain the sense of security that they may have missed out on due to their previous situations. With proper training and support in place for foster families and caseworkers as the two work as partners in their counties and agencies, reunification can be smoother and more successful. It’s great when the biological families work hard to follow their case plan to regain custody of their children.

When a family enters into fostering with the positive outlook of helping children and families taking out the “what I want” and putting in the persona of helping and giving where needed, it is most beneficial. When a permanent home needs to be found for the child when reunification is found not to be a viable and safe solution, the foster family can choose to adopt. When that happens the child does not have to undergo another trauma by being uprooted again to be placed in yet another home. In years past foster families were not allowed to adopt their foster children and the children became traumatized as they grew into adulthood with issues of abandonment. This practice caused many adult problems later on. Each time a child is moved, it is a harder to bond or to trust that they will ever be able to feel secure and stay in the same family forever.

Many may not realize that children come into foster care every day. They are placed in a foster home while caseworkers create a reunification case-plan for the biological family in order to safely regain custody of their child. Reunification with their biological home or a relative’s home is the first option for a child in hopes that they can strengthen their situation and be reunited with their parents. While the child is safely cared for by a foster family, he/she bonds and begins a healing process ultimately becoming comfortable and feeling safe again. With the knowledge that their parents are working on fixing their situation so they may safely return home, they can go on with normal activities, heal from the trauma while making friends and just being kids. Siblings should be kept together if at all possible but it is difficult to find homes that will take multiple children at one time if there are more than 2 siblings.

It is almost impossible to structure a foster care system solely on foster parents that have no interest in adopting. For years families hoping to enlarge their families have made the realization that caring for abused and neglected children is an avenue at which they can provide their love for parenting with children that desperately need parenting in hopes that one day, they can eventually adopt. Many have adopted children they’ve cared for, and often more than ever expected. Fostering as a resource family to adopt, when available, is the most logical method to supply the demand for caring and loving homes without making the huge mistake of repeating the past when children were not allowed to be adopted by the foster family, causing many to foster for income rather than for love of children. This former practice made it traumatic for thousands of foster parents and children when the children were removed from the foster home and moved to a stranger for adoption.

Georgia set the precedent years ago to allow families to enter fostering as resource families (formerly called Foster to Adopt) who will foster and help reunify with birth families but also wish to adopt the child they are caring for if not successfully able to safely reunify them with their birth parents and families.

Thousands of resource families are continuously recruited and needed to replace the ones that adopt their foster child and therefore discontinue fostering to raise their newly adopted child. As new resource families are approved, they continue to accept children that are daily coming into foster care needing a safe loving place to live both temporarily and eventually, permanently.

They say that history often repeats itself, but we hope that for the sake of our children we have learned this lesson well and don't ever again make the mistake to search for “foster only” homes as a sole place for kids in trauma.

So, if this captures your interest, become a resource foster family for your county’s Division of Family and Children's Services (DFCS) and foster a child or two (or more) while they try to reunify them with their birth family. If reunification is successful, say a thankful prayer that you are strong enough to love children unconditionally and know that what you have given of your time and effort, including emotions, will help a child grow into a stronger and independently self-assured adult who can one day successfully love and care for a family of their own.

When a child leaves your home, continue by helping another child that needs you desperately. For each child you help, there are 100 more that need a caring home. Loving and caring for the next child will help you heal from the loss of that had to say goodbye. If you are not interested in adopting, there are many families that will step in and give your foster child a permanent loving home when and if the time comes.

Always congratulate yourself on helping a family heal and regain custody of their child. Just so you know, I have never known a resource foster family that wanted to adopt and did not. Sometimes the road of giving is the best, most beneficial and rewarding path. The past is never forgotten, but shapes a child for the future to become their best, as the experiences that a child had before knowing you, including the time spent with you, will follow them. Please help them learn what it’s like to love unconditionally even though you know you may not be able to stay with them.